Copyright 1997 by Scott Kelley, Jon Winter, Roy Morton, Paul Wolfe, Alex Roberts and Phil Smith
Last modified 5th April 1997

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FAUNEL - The newly formed Spireward Trading Co. announced they will commence operations in Faunel within the week. Spireward is particularly interested in exploiting the forest for the decorative wood known as 'purpleheart' and they also plan to do a good deal of fur hunting around Faunel. Dwarven workmen in Faunel have already restored the squat, two-story, white stone structure that Spireward will use as their headquarters. Work gangs, consisting mostly of bashers recruited from the Hive, are working to clear the forest for a logging road and lumber mill. The Spireward Trading Co. was formed by Lambert Whycote after he tumbled onto a portal that provided reliable access to both the Cage and Tradegate. Surprisingly, Wrath (the guardian of the gate to the Beastlands and the ostensible ruler of Faunel) has given the endeavour the nod despite concerns of the residents of the burg, particularly Errol Greenleaf a druid high-up in Faunel. Before Wrath permitted Spireward to enter the forests around Faunel, Errol and Lambert argued extensively before Wrath, each pleading their case. According to witnesses, over the course of the discussion it became obvious that Greenleaf and Whycote thought each other barmy long before they finished rattling their bone-boxes. Finally, only when Master Whycote swore he would ensure that no petitioner would be harmed by his trapping operation (and that he would personally place a bounty on the head of anyone hunting petitioners) Wrath allowed the operation to proceed. Errol Greenleaf was shocked by the decision and swore to fight Spireward's logging and trapping operations. "The forest is not theirs to eradicate as they will, nor are the animals of the forest. Spireward should not be here, not for wood or hides, and I will fight to insure that they get neither." -Donald Kyng, culler [Author: Roy Morton] SIGIL - Several fires were started yesterday morning in and around the Hive Ward allegedly by agents of a prime world cult called the Zantarom. The fires caused widespread panic and destruction, though few berks inside the Hive seemed to notice or care. Harmonium patrols investigated several of the arson sites after quelling the fires but scragged no suspects. Later in the day, however, several human primes were arrested near the hive on arson charges and, though no word has come from the Guvners, chant on the dark of the fires is abundant. Several cutters SIGIS spoke with believed that the fires were a diversion that enabled the cult to apprehend a samurai who was seen in the Cage the day before yesterday carrying a large lead-bound box. Conina Stormweather, a Sensate who had spoken with the samurai, told SIGIS that, "Mr. Mountain [the samurai] is not at liberty to discuss the contents of his package. This is a political matter of the prime world of Toril and of no concern to the people of Sigil." Nonetheless, rumours about the box persist as does the chant that a baatezu patrol roaming the Outlands near Automata is looking for a box that fits the description of the one carried by the samurai. [Author: Alex Roberts] THREE MEMBERS of the Sign of One faction died last night in what are described by investigating officer Rofary Tens, a Mover Four in the Harmonium, as "situations of a Highly Suspicious nature." The three individuals, who apparently did not all know one another, were all present in the Centre of Sigil, a tavern adjacent to the Council Chambers frequented by Signers. According to eyewitnesses, they were not all present simultaneously, and they all consumed different foods and drinks. All three were discovered dead in various rooming houses this morning, apparently poisoned with the same toxin. Mover Tens told cullers, "One of the main problems with investigating cases involving Signers is that they're all so arrogant and antisocial that they never have friends to corroborate what actually happened." Mover Tens later apologised for his comments, as he did not realise they were on the record. The Harmonium have not made public their suspicions on the nature or motive of the attack. [Author: Jon Winter] RIBCAGE - An attempt on the life of Lord Quentil Paracs was foiled today by the quick blade of Fritz von Turmstadt, the only son of Lord Peltar von Turmstadt, a leading senator of Ribcage. According to witnesses, the assassin, posing as a serving woman, struck at Lord Paracs with an envenomed blade during a private audience. Success was riven from her as Fritz took her hand off with a lightning draw of his sword. The assassin, identified as a member of the Band of the Sable Star a notorious ring of cross-traders and assassins, was a trusted member of Lord Paracs's household and her treachery came as a shock to those who knew her. Lord Paracs has ordered a full and through investigation of his entire household staff. While drawing a blade in the presence of Lord Paracs usually earns only a quick death of the perpetrator, the Lord of Ribcage has instead decided to reward the heroism of Lord Turmstadt. Specifically, Lord Paracs honoured Lord Turmstadt's petition to place embassies of the upper-planar gate towns within the von Turmstadt section of the city. Another high-up senator in the burg, Lord Tandon von Hapstan, is expected to protest the decision. When asked how he managed to draw his blade so quickly, Fritz told SIGIS that he was motivated primarily by fear, mostly of the political ramifications of Lord Paracs's death. "Could you imagine the chaos that would result should Lord Paracs be killed?", said Turmstadt. "The wolves would be fighting over the baronial seat before his body hit the floor. Given the choice between Lord Paracs and civil war, I side with Lord Paracs." - Eber Willburg, culler [Author: Roy Morton] SYLVANIA - The merchants guild of Sylvania offered its highest position today to anyone who can quell the unrest in the gate-town and ensure the safety of the merchants and their shops. This offer, seen as an act of desperation by many of the local cutters, comes after days of sporadic brawls and rioting that has claimed twelve lives and damaged kips throughout the burg. The violence, initially sparked by the riot that placed a high-up merchant's daughter in the dead book, continues to shake the town though efforts by the Seven have finally begun to show results. Scragged sods are being placed in the public stocks or tied to the post and flogged, depending on the severity of their offence. Passion and Pain, two of the Seven spiritors, have also assumed new hosts, occupying the bodies of two of the more severe offenders. Reflection, another spiritor of the Seven, addressed the assembled merchants and warned that any attempts to use violence within the boundaries of Sylvania, even if only to "restore the peace", would be met with as much tolerance as the rioters. He went on to reassure all those preset that the Seven "...have not abandoned our posts" and would restore order in due time. After Reflection's speech, a relatively unknown cutter named Harlan Stillwater questioned Reflection, asking if negotiated means of restoring order were permissible. The Spiritor seemed surprised by the question, and said he surely had no objections to a peaceful settlement. "I have no idea what he [Stillwater] expects," said Anaxer the Quick, a local leather merchant, " but if he thinks he's going to be able to rattle his bone-box at these leatherheads and get them to act all peaceful like, well, he's got another thing coming." "Well, for what its worth [Stillwater]'s been spending a lot of time on the Prime", chimed in Larinda Evenhome, a silk merchant in Sylvania. "I don't know what barmy scheme Harlan's cooked up, but I don't think he's just rattling his bone-box." - Marcanto Di Capella, culler [Author: Roy Morton]

WE, THE CIRCLE of Bluegem, take full credit for the explosion that occurred at the courthouse past week. Our purpose is to expose the cruel and tyrannical reign of the Fraternity of Order and hamper the futile efforts of those snivelling lawgivers to impose unfair regulations upon our beloved city. We hope, with utmost sincerity, that this incident sends a strong message to the Guvners that their rule is both loathsome and unnecessary. The explosion at the courthouse should be taken as a warning that our patriotic efforts will not cease until the Guvners relinquish their stranglehold on our city. Signed,

FACTOL TERRANCE of the Athar has authorised the payment of 3,000 jinx to any blood who can return a necklace stolen from the Shattered Temple last night. An additional 3,000 will be awarded upon the delivery of the cross-trader, living or lost, who scragged the necklace. Any cutters willing to take the job should contact Factotum Tagram the Defiant at the Sign of the Drunken Mage on Alehouse Row for details. Payment will be on delivery only. No advances. [Contributor: Roy Morton]

XAOS - The barely recognisable remains of Harmonium high-up Granus Hokok were discovered in the aftermath of a rain composed of anvils and brown spherical fruit which devastated the gate-town of oXas yesterday for approximately six minutes. A spokesman for the Harmonium condemned the town of osXa for encouraging the type of chaos that results in anvil/fruit storms and has informed SIGIS that a war with osaX "is imminent, as soon as the bloody burg sits still long enough for us to invade." Xaositects living in Aoxs have refused to comment intelligibly on the incident, many choosing instead to squawk like a gang of Arborean milligibbons while others preferred to yell "Nyang, nyang, nyang" through rolled-up copies of SIGIS (the Xaositect's newsrag of choice). Other resident of the town spent their time reciting, in unison, Harmonium Factol Hashkar's assertion that one should not throw all of one's eggs into a single basket [*]. Our culler on the scene, Bleaker Factotum Eblis, witnessed both the storm and the reaction of the Chaosmen but his version did not appear in SIGIS because of emotional troubles he experienced due to the storm. As he put it, "I couldn't stop laughing." [Contributor: Phil Smith]

A LIGHTHEARTED look at the weather on the Outlands by SIGIS's resident planologists. Sigil: Citizens are advised to stay indoors as smog becomes thicker throughout the day. Slightly caustic rain in the evening. The Spire: Weather can be expected to stay calm for today, next week, next month, next year... Automata: Expect precisely 0.5 inches of rain today and tomorrow. Winds will be in a gateward direction at a speed of 10 mph, which will increase to 11 mph at 6 o'clock anti-peak. Bedlam: The gate to Pandemonium has been letting more of the plane through of late. Expect winds of up to 80 mph and deafening noise. Citizens are advised by the Bleak Cabal to do whatever the hell they were doing previously since there's nowhere else for them to go...We recommend that travellers postpone any journeys there or equip themselves with winter clothing and earplugs. Curst: Acid rain predicted for the rest of the week. Stay indoors. Excelsior: Hot, bright, traditional Excelsiorian summer. Perfect weather for riding. The annual tournament looks set to be successful, again... Ecstasy: Light drizzle expected from 4-5 anti-peak. Experiments caused by the Wind Duke Reluthon may cause some turbulence so devas are advised to stay on the ground. Faunel: Two days away from the wet season so all bipedal civilised races should have sought shelter or vacated the Gate-Town by now. All sentient pigeons should avoid Wrath for a few days, he's not particularly happy with you right now, and neither are the chimpanzees after spending two hours scrubbing him clean... Fortitude: Warm weather thanks to the Town's proximity to Excelsior,mellowed by the winter currently endured by Tradegate. Nothing particularly special, although residents may wish to stay within the walls, since winds around the town have risen somewhat... Glorium: Icy winds all the way from Muspellheim mean that it's perfect weather to go out and do something. There's nothing like a bracing breeze for making a man of someone, even a woman... any bizarre weather conditions are the result of interference from Gzemnid's realm and have NOTHING to do with the fact that they assigned a Xaositect as local planologist... Hopeless: Rain. Endless bloody drizzle... Plague-Mort: All citizens are ordered to stay indoors. At 1:00 Peak the streets will be swept by flame-spellers as part of the Arch-Lector's attempt to cut down on vagrancy. Ribcage: Expect periodic fireballs in the sky all day, and sulphurous fumes for the rest of the week... Rigus: 1:00 to 3:00 peak: Slight Drizzle. 3:00 to 3:10 peak: Rain of Scrap Metal from Acheron. Stay indoors. 3:15 onwards: As previously scheduled. Sylvania: Hot and sunny. Party on! (Or riot as the case may be...) Torch: Temperatures remain high. Excessive pollution from chimneys will leave the place feeling like a smoke-filled glasshouse. Expect Lowries later in the day. Stay indoors, and if possible, avoid breathing. Tradegate: Temperatures remain just above freezing, so as to permit growth of Winter luxury commodities industries. Furs recommended. Xaos: Stay indoors, or wear a very hard hat. We've had anvil rain over here. It might rain anvils again tomorrow... maybe this time it'll rain upwards. Can I come home now, please? The sky's turned upside down and there are clouds on the ground... Tir Na Og: Plenty of wind and rain, as usual. Daghda's had a funny turn again... Thoth's Realm: Usual blistering heat. Loose clothing recommended. Also, plague of frogs predicted by local planologist. [Author: Phil Smith]

IN AN ALL-TOO-COMMON move these days, three separate Revolutionary League groups have claimed responsibility for yesterday's Signer poisonings. One statement leaked to SIGIS cullers read "Unless all members of all Sigil's factions immediately renounce their beliefs and leave the corrupt organisations then the poisonings will continue". The Harmonium investigators are not pursuing the claims seriously. Mover Tens told cullers: "The Anarchists jump on any bandwagon that can these days. It's like they haven't got any ideas of their own any more. I'd like to see the sodding revolutionaries try and outwit the Harmonium in a fair fight!" Mover Tens later apologised for his comments, as he did not realise they were on the record. [Author: Jon Winter]

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