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The Barmy Shorts Company has done it agian, this time with the wonderful play The New Neighbors. Go see it, tell your friends, and whatever you do, be sure to take a good glance at the barmy fog machine. Portraying the exciting dangers of wizards Demiplanes, the 119th greatest mage in the multiverse, and gravy shouldn't have lumps. It's as barmy a look as you'll get of the misty shores.

Going to the Ethereal has it's share of dangers, the least being accidentally falling into a nasty demiplane and the most getting a cold from the dampy mists (Have you ever tried any of those fiendishly evil cold medicine droughts?). But if there's one helpful spell out there for a planewalker, it's Ethereal Line. Just remember to bring your spiky spirally scarf and mittens, ok?

Ethereal Line
(Alteration; Level 5)

"Look Gunther, over there in the mists. That berk has a cord behind him, what's he think this is, the bloody Astral?"
- Raton, an Etherfarer

Ethereal Line was designed for all those Ethereal travelers who got tired of always having to go back to corporeality, whether their mum was calling them, their Etherealness spell running out, someone nicked their boots of the border, or they just ran into a nasty ethery creature. Ethereal Line causes a small bit of the mists in the Ethereal to conjugate into a stiff protomatter line which then wraps around the caster or creature touched. This line is usually somewhat short (6 feet/level) but is able to stretch almost four times it's length before breaking. This means the aatached creature can't move  far from where the spell was cast, but the line makes sure that nothing will drop him out of the Ethereal. When something tries to drag him back, the line tightens, but keeps the attached creature stationary and able to still move around. In fact, the only two things known to break the spell are a Githyanki's silver sword, though you won't find allot of them on the Ethereal - the mists make their skin all chappy - and Ether gaps. The later pull on the creature attached to the line, stretching it until it breaks. The line can last up to an hour till breaking though, and many curious wizards have used this trick to examine the gaps.

This spell is starting to become more common in the Ethereal, but is still hard for a wizard to get his hands on. None of the native creatures use it, and the Etherfarers see is as a silly way to get around. The Godsmen are starting to use it, especially those trying to get to some of the harder parts of the Border to test themselves, but have yet to embrace it. The easiest way to get the spell, though people will tell you it's not worth it, is to go to Freehold City and talk to a berk called Attus at the pub Mercury Coni's. He's selling the spell, but first a cutter has to hear about "Much better service quality then those other berks" and "Less material components after anti-peak". The locals just think he's barmy.

The material components of Ethereal Line is a piece of rusted wire beaded with water. (Except Attus's, which has the component of 8 silver pieces)

Faces of Barmies

Ever run into someone on the street, and think, "Boy, how'd they manage to get out of the Gatehouse"? Well, so've I. These're them."

Faces of Barmies can be used both by DMs for NPC concepts, or by players as new characters. The pictures above link to larger for-print versions, and can be used freely for personal use. Thanks to Vicki Hood and Tom Bubul for drawing them.

Patrik Fraggalus (upper left) (Pr / Human / M3 / Godsmen / N) He likes rocks, in fact the things he's done with rocks would make even a Sensate blush. Currently he pokes about the plane of Earth, studying Duhr. What he really does is just go around and lift up rocks.

Sangus (upper center) (Pl / Teifling / F6 / Doomguard / CN) Sang is a Doomie who doesn't get it. Everytime they ask him to knock something over or pull weeds, he complains... "Do I have to?" The only reason he managed to join in the first place was by being to lazy to move out of the doorway of a burning building. Took out the whole block.

"Skinny" Sciggins (upper right) (Pl / Quickling / CN) He scampers around Sigil nonsensically screaming and waving his arms around. He styles his hair to look like fingers reaching out to grab you when he nods his head. He catches rats.

Thaji (lower left) (Pl / Githyanki / F1 / Athar / CG) Always mad and preaching, Thaji wanders around yelling at people. She bursts out in crowds and just starts yelling, then wanders away. Her philosophy is that all the powers (ask her about Zeus or Thor sometime) are a bunch of large drunken buggers, even the female ones.

Soapy James (lower center) (Pr / Human / Guvners / LN) Soapy wanders around the library staring at people through his monocle and quirking an eyebrow. He sometimes offers to take them out for a bit of champagne, too, but he never does. He forgets what he's doing on the drop of a dime.

Podgy Willikins (lower right) (Pl / Satyr / B2 / Sensates / NG) Podgy is a fat satyr who can be found romping about Sylvania getting mad drunk. That's what he does, and he likes it.

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All content copyright 1999 Jeremiah Golden or credited authors.